Dad, please read this

You were more than a dad to me. You were my hero, my best friend…

I would be lying if I said you didn’t break my heart when you left. I just don’t understand how you couldn’t even say bye to me. You just got in your car with your little bag and said “I’ll be home later”. But then you never did come home and I felt like I was the odd man out because you and me always fit together. We were immature together and Rachel and Mom were the parents. We were partners in crime back in the day. The other night I looked through the photo albums and all of the pictures in my album were picture of you and me. We usually had underwear on our heads or they were random candid shots of me running through the house with your beer can but back then things didn’t matter because I was just happy to spend time with you.

Now, when I look at you I find myself looking at a stranger. Now I feel like a burden in your life that’s just another pain in your ass called “child support.”  

The truth is I’ll always love you, no matter how bad you have hurt me. You may think that by leaving you just wanted to get away from mom but when you gave up on mom, you gave up on me. You gave up on all of us.

Ever since you left my life has changed in so many ways. I’ve grown up so much and I’ve changed in so many ways. When I look in the mirror I don’t see a 17 year old; I see a 27 year old.

Our family isn’t exactly a family anymore. Mom is always at work and by the time she comes home I usually am asleep. Or I’ll be at work and come home and she’s asleep. 

Rachel? I just don’t get along with her. The only time we talk is when we’re fighting. All I can depend on is myself, and I miss being able to just talk to you. I want to see you and I tell you that but then you never call me on the weekends. I text you but half the time you don’t reply. 

I feel like I’m not a part of your life. In fact I feel like you don’t even love me. Your new wife is number one on your list and I don’t even make the top ten. I still want you in my life but you keep pushing me away and eventually the calls will stop, the texting will come to an end and I’ll just give up on you just like Mom and Rachel have.

I feel like if you actually cared about me that you wouldn’t put me through all the pain that you have. I just feel like I’m nothing to you when I still want you to be my everything. You’re suppose to be my role model, the man I look up to and I honestly have no idea what you’re thinking. But I know one thing’s for sure, you are not the same man I used to know.
 

This is an email I sent to my dad when I was 17 years old. I never received a response back.

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11 Replies to “Dad, please read this”

    1. Thank you. A lot of my posts are from my journal and I share bits here and there. I am in a mentally good place and I am at peace with this situation. It is very personal but I like to be able to voice things like this in attempt to help someone else out there know they are not alone in what they are experiencing. Thank you for the well wishes, I appreciate them always.

      Liked by 1 person

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