Two years ago, I started writing in this journal. I was broken and lost and I’ve turned to myself for guidance and reassurance that I was going to eventually be okay. I was worn out of talking to my peers and family. Deep in my soul, I always knew I was the answer to everything I was feeling – I just didn’t know how to get there.
The pages of this journal show my challenges. The anger, the stress, the confusion, the love, the loss… Most importantly, these pages show the growth.
The entry I wrote two years ago is in poor handwriting. I was anxiety ridden. I was feeling defeated and weak. Even holding the pen on that particular day seemed like an impossible task… but I did it. I showed myself strength in that small moment. The words I wrote impact me today more than I ever thought possible. I tell myself to keep my faith strong that things will all work out. I tell myself it is okay to be tested. I write that life is going to be full of high and low moments. I tell myself to keep moving forward and to believe in myself even though I feel like nothing will be okay again. My mind believed all of this, my heart couldn’t comprehend it.
Never in my soul did I know that I would be where I am now. Where am I now? I am humbled beyond belief and immensely grateful. This morning, I woke up next to the love of my life. He looked up at me as I sat on the edge of the bed, trying to shake off my tiredness. I felt his hand rest on my leg. I looked down at him and he smiled. I got ready for work. As I went to leave the house, I stood on my tippy toes to meet his lips. He wished for me to have a good day. I told him I loved him and continued on my way. All of these small moments remind me how lucky I am to have him as my partner in this life. He is my best friend. He makes me the best version of myself. He encourages me. He supports me. He loves me… Through it all, he’s the one. He’s my one.
Not only am I confident in my relationship, I am also confident in myself. I have self-love. I have values and morals I pride myself on. Although the past hurt, it taught me to be the person I am now. The past taught me to: be kind to others, even when they aren’t kind to me. Have patience and that time will eventually heal all wounds. Believe in myself, even if it’s all I have. Most importantly, the past should stay in the past but always carry its lessons with you.
Without the past, I wouldn’t be the person I am now. My mind believes this and my heart comprehends it. I’ve come a long way in the past two years and I can honestly say that the growth I’ve experienced outweighs any of the hard times I’ve encountered. This humbles me immensely and I remind myself of this often. My biggest advice? Keep the past in the past, but always carry its lessons with you.